Throughout our lives we all have different heroes.  According to www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hero , a simple definition of hero is: a person who is admired for great or brave acts or fine qualities, a person who is greatly admired, or the chief male character in a story, play, movie etc.

I never fully realized until he passed away that my dad was my hero.  No, he did not save children from a burning building or some other act often associated with heroes.  What he did do was much more than that.  He gave me the tools I needed such as a strong work ethic, family comes first, education is important types of beliefs that helped me to become the person I am today.  Of course he was always there to protect me from the monsters hiding in my closet as well!

My dad worked so hard his entire life to make sure his family had all of their needs and wants taken care of.  Even as an adult I knew I could count on my dad to help me out of a rough patch.  My dad would give you the shirt off of his back without hesitation if needed.

It is for these reasons that it was so hard to see him have to endure so much pain and suffering for so many years.  The strength and will-power that it took for him to simply survive day to day are other reasons that make my dad my hero.  The fact that he lived the way that he did for so long make me proud to call him my dad.

I only wish with all my heart that I could have told him that.  He did not deserve the last 8-10 years of his life, I only hope that he found some sense of joy and love from his family.  I love you dad, you were my superman!

Thought of the day: Father: A banker provided by nature.

Quote of the day:  A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.- Christopher Reeve

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest ordeals to endure.  It has been a month since my dad passed away and I will be honest when I say I am not dealing with my grief that well.  I have this heavy feeling weighing down on my chest that at times is unbearable.

In the past I have used writing as an avenue to alleviate the feelings that I have and am trying to do that now as I write this blog.  Everyone deals with grief in their own way, up until today I have been trying to navigate through the feelings of shock, anger, sadness, anxiousness and fear on my own.

Friends and family ask me how I am doing and my instant response is 'ok'.  I want to seem strong and in control when in actuality I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I am so sad and angry that my heart feels like it is ready to explode.  I do not want to cry in front of my kids so as not to upset them so I hold the tears in until I go to bed.  Even then I fight back the tears because I can hear my dad telling me to "stop your crying".

In my head I understand that with time the feelings I am experiencing will not be as overwhelming but it is hard to see down that road right now.  I have been leaning on a couple of close friends for support but lately have felt like I am more of a burden to them than they need to put up with.

I know I need to deal with the loss of my dad in a healthy way, but having to acknowledge the pain is almost too much to bear.  To everyone out there dealing with loss of some kind just remember that you are not alone!

Thought of the day: What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?

Quote of the day:   Grief starts to become indulgent, and it doesn't serve anyone, and it's painful.  But if you transform it into remembrance, than you're magnifying the person you lost and also giving something of that person to other people so they can experience something of that person.- Patti Smith