I have come to learn the hard way that having specific expectations, especially when it comes to being in a relationship can end up in hurt and anger. Like most people I have a core set of values that I think should be met while I am with someone. For example, if the laundry basket is full, I would expect that the significant person in my life would notice it is full when putting their dirty clothes on top of the overflowing hamper and take it upon himself to put said laundry in to wash! My expectation is that we are both responsible for household chores.
The problem with this theory is that in order for expectations to be met they must first be communicated. I expect the person in my life to spend quality time with myself and my children. I have made the mistake in the past of assuming that the person I was with knew this and also shared the same expectation.
During one of my walks with the dog, I had an AHA moment. We can have expectations, but they don't magically happen. It is not the disappointment of the expectation not being met that is the cause of pain, but instead the realization that the person(s) we thought would live up to those expectations was never going to and never will is at the core of the disappointment.
Of course we can alter out expectations, but what we cannot do is change others into living up to them. Instead we need to make realistic expectations while realizing we do not have control over other people's behavior. I have come to understand that I need to be responsible for my own life and decisions. Putting expectations on other people is unrealistic, instead we nee to set our own goals and aspirations for ourselves.
Thought of the day: What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
Quote of the day: We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation. Ivan Illich (Austrian philosopher)