Some of the quotes are funny (to me anyways) and a couple made me think about life in general. Enjoy!
1. Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon.....No matter how good you are the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.
2. When I yell at my dog to stop barking I wonder if he's like 'This is awesome!! We are barking together!'
3. Why am I the only naked person at this gender reveal party?
4. If your mom doesn't have an old gift bag filled with other old gift bags, is she even a mom?
5. Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.----- Hans Christian Anderson
6. Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.--------Mark Twain
7. When life shuts a door......open it again. It's a door. That's how they work.
8. You never really realize how long a minute is until you're exercising.
9. Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you're drunk.
10. Dear Teenagers, your mom may annoy you now, but there was a time you loved her so much, you begged to watch her poop. Remember that.